Tomorrow is my thirtieth birthday.
That is absolutely ridiculous. There is no way I should be thirty. Thirty implies so much, and I’m just a slightly more capable version of my teenage self. Maybe your twenties are more of a state of mind?
I don’t think anyone likes having regrets, and I certainly never wanted any. Are there things I’d do differently since I graduated high school? Oh yeah. But I think that most of it, I’d try to keep the same. I’m about to graduate from a degree I enjoyed 90% of. I’ve made some wonderful friends (oh boy, was I due!) I’m still a mental health disaster, but that can be worked on.
I hate the way I stress over my birthday – over incomplete goals, or the idea that something is less than perfect, when a birthday shouldn’t be stressful. I suppose I stress over everything though – anything that can be considered a ‘deadline’, and I freak out.
So how did I spend the last day of my twenties? Cleaning my apartment It’s a mental thing, having a perfectly tidy and clean apartment on my birthday. The gift I give myself. I have no idea how I managed to wrangle it, but it took 6 hours, and it’s so tidy!
Tomorrow, I’m spending the day with my sister – mini-golf and then to the movies to finally see the new Thor film. Oh, and I’m dragging her to see ‘Christmas land’ in both Myer and David Jones, because I love Christmas decorating.
It’s going to be a good day. And whilst my twenties weren’t the laugh-riot I hoped for, or anything resembling anyone elses’, they were mine, and that thought is actually kind of comforting.
Back to real life tomorrow, ho hum. I came home to my mother’s house to do some pet-sitting, and attend my uncle’s birthday lunch, and now that’s all done, I’m headed back to Sydney.
It’s going to be one of those very long weeks – class on Tuesday from ten til noon, then again at five til seven, plus lunch with friends, and a coffee-date with another friend. Then on Wednesday, a haircut on the other side of the city finally (I’m beginning to look like some kind of fluffy marsupial; I love my fringe, but gosh it takes a lot more upkeep than layers), and a class from one til two. Thursday is my day off, but I have a paper due next Monday, plus half a ton of work on my honors project that it’s more like a study-day. Friday, my mother is coming down for the day; Saturday, I’m headed to a knitting workshop, and Sunday I have to finish my paper. It’s an exciting life, that’s for sure
I know I just finished my summer break, but I wish I could rewind time, just live in a happy bubble, where I could write and swim and draw and read. I don’t feel like functioning yet. Though behaving like a functioning adult isn’t something that I feel like doing much of the time. I kind of have a level of functionality that works for me, but isn’t really sustainable for earning a living or socialising, sadly. But I made a promise last year, that I would put myself out there, would try some new stuff. And it worked! I definitely got out of my comfort zone; same verse this year, definitely.
And now I have to go and somehow cram all my things into a single suitcase and backpack.
So, I turned 29.
And I finished my last Semester 2 as an undergrad.
I’m not sure which makes me more nervous, to be completely honest. The last assessment for my first semester project nearly killed me, I swear. I think, all up, it had to be 30,000 words, and took me until 3am to finalise. And then 10 minutes before I was going to present? I got an approval for an extension due to illness. I went ahead and did it anyway, because no. I did not want to wait another week with it hanging over my head.
I think I left my body during it, actually. But it’s done. And I can’t have screwed it up too badly. I don’t think.
My birthday was on November 7th, and a very quiet day. Mum came down and we had an amazing lunch, and Mum brought me some small gifts. The rest of my gifts (most of which are books! ) and my official birthday cake will occur when Mum and I can coordinate (pizza, salad, champagne and cake!)
Right now, I’m taking ten days off to relax – something I sorely need to do. Maybe write some bad fan fiction, and do some bad fanart? Something with no academic or profitable value