depression & anxiety

“I decided to go join the birds. I eat lots of bread already and I’m tired of fighting.”

Back to real life tomorrow, ho hum. I came home to my mother’s house to do some pet-sitting, and attend my uncle’s birthday lunch, and now that’s all done, I’m headed back to Sydney.

It’s going to be one of those very long weeks – class on Tuesday from ten til noon, then again at five til seven, plus lunch with friends, and a coffee-date with another friend. Then on Wednesday, a haircut on the other side of the city finally (I’m beginning to look like some kind of fluffy marsupial; I love my fringe, but gosh it takes a lot more upkeep than layers), and a class from one til two. Thursday is my day off, but I have a paper due next Monday, plus half a ton of work on my honors project that it’s more like a study-day. Friday, my mother is coming down for the day; Saturday, I’m headed to a knitting workshop, and Sunday I have to finish my paper. It’s an exciting life, that’s for sure ;)

I know I just finished my summer break, but I wish I could rewind time, just live in a happy bubble, where I could write and swim and draw and read. I don’t feel like functioning yet. Though behaving like a functioning adult isn’t something that I feel like doing much of the time. I kind of have a level of functionality that works for me, but isn’t really sustainable for earning a living or socialising, sadly. But I made a promise last year, that I would put myself out there, would try some new stuff. And it worked! I definitely got out of my comfort zone; same verse this year, definitely.

And now I have to go and somehow cram all my things into a single suitcase and backpack.  :kiss:

Your authority isn’t recognized in Fort Kickass.

I have anxiety and depression; and when I have bad periods, time seems to disintegrate. :crazy: I can spend weeks doing little more than reading and basic functionally. The weird thing is that I don’t actually notice I’m doing it; it takes me weeks to realise it and everyone around me is ‘…duh.’ -_-

So, my uni break consisted of watching Archer (definitely been added to my favourites list), doing a little fic writing, and generally over-thinking my entire life. So, not exactly the relaxing break I was hoping for. Now I’m back at uni, and I’m trying to piece myself back into a functioning human being. I mean, I’ve started a sort-of bullet journal for my honours year at uni (let’s ignore the fact I graduate next year. It scares the living hell out of me), and I got a super cute haircut. No, seriously, I had my fringe cut and I was so worried, but I actually kind of love it. :love:

Now I am going to go crawl into my bed, which is currently obscured by a giant pile of clean washing, and sleep with the hope that when I wake up tomorrow it won’t be Monday and I won’t have a 10am lecture.

I’ve never heard of such a brutal and shocking injustice that I cared so little about.

I’d apologise for vanishing, but sometimes you just need to take a break from life.

But now that university starts again tomorrow, I guess I’ve returned to the land of the living. Or at least, the land of the active online. Hell, even on Tumblr, I rely completely on my queue for any kind of consistent posting.  :cool:

So, university. I had a morning class, and then an afternoon lecture that I’m not really looking forward to, based entirely on the fact that I have to go over to the main campus and somehow figure out how to find the lecture hall on a campus that is like a small city in itself. It also kind of blows that I’ve already taken this class before, at a different university, but they wouldn’t give me credit for it when I transferred. I mean, the last art history essay I wrote for my previous university was 3,000 words long. This class? I think 1,500 words will be the longest (based on what I heard from last semester’s class, which I didn’t have to take, thank god). The first class? A compulsory first-year class, not much to say. Last semester’s course resulted in a dodgy mark because I pretty much told my lecturer I didn’t think she understood the course outline since she did such a terrible job of explaining it.  -_-

I tried so hard to be organised today – my plan was to grab my groceries and drop into the Apple store to replace my dodgy keyboard before coming home and building my last two pieces of Ikea furniture. Grocery shopping turned into a big deal when I could find a food processor under one hundred dollars  :huh: across five stores. When I finally did get home, building my Ikea stuff tried to kill me, ugh. I really loathe Ikea.By the time I was done, I had to make dinner before realising that most of the ingredients for my pesto pasta were mouldy, absent or masquerading as other things, so I tried to make pancakes and scorched myself and the pancake so badly that I gave up and had toast, and am going to clean up the apartment and then make tea and go to bed with a book. I never claimed I was any sort of cook  -_-*

Tomorrow is going to be a long day. I’m kind of edgy about tomorrow – new semester with new class locations? Makes me anxious. But I plan to nab lunch and maybe some new books (I found a 20% off coupon for Kinokuniya when I was cleaning earlier! A bag of books shall ease my nerves and frustrations.)

I guess it is time I started cleaning up. My mother is coming down tomorrow – my grandmother has a hospital appointment on Thursday that my mother has to go to – and she will complain if my place isn’t tidy  -_-